Sewing Saved My Sanity

Recently I read a fantastic article from Neighborhood Parents Network (NPN) by Aviva Cohen, LCSW, The Blossom Method about how hard it is to be a new mom. Everyone who gets through it seems to put on a face and not tell you the grueling details of the sleep deprivation, hormone imbalance and the anxieties that we all face. I wanted to share my personal story and this blog is giving me strength to recognize how bad it truly was.

I suffered severe postpartum with baby Jack. I didn't recognize that it was depression until days before his first birthday. Looking back, his first year seemed like such a blur. I was a nervous, hormonal first time mom who had social anxiety taking her son anywhere. I was stressed about his schedule and obsessed with maintaining some sort of order. Worst of all, I was the first of my friends to have a child. There was no support in my social network and unfortunately it lead to the end of many friendships who couldn't handle me at my very worst, and certainly didn't deserve me at my best; which of course lead to more anxiety, heartache and depression.

Since all was a blur to me during my "down days", my husband was able to give me three words to sum it all up: short fused, emotional, suicidal. I cry just typing that word. I love my husband. I love my kids and I love my life. This was NOT ME. I was not this person who was afraid, unhappy and in pieces. I was usually the one that carried others and this time, my husband carried me.

I got through this painful time with the help of my support system of my loving husband Brian, my immediate family, Brooke Shields, my OB, therapist, happy pills and my sewing machine. Sewing literally saved my sanity. It provided a great outlet and chance to be creative and turn something into a comfort for others. Baby Jack Blankets is happy to create comfort for little ones and employ local moms with a creative outlet and added income. #madeinMilwaukee #madeinUSA

My Brian is my rock. He knows me and the type of person I am and encouraged me to seek help. He went with me to my doctor appointments and sat through therapy sessions. We learned together and our bond grew. I will always be grateful for him and his strength along with my family for making me whole again. *tears* Brooke Shields needs credit where credit is due. Her book Down Came The Rain changed my life and my thinking about this disease. It is a must read for anyone experiencing motherhood and might see signs of #PPD.

Baby Jack is now a healthy, adorable and witty 4 1/2 year old boy with a sassy, gorgeous and busy 2 1/2 year old sister named Bailey that continue to keep me on my toes. I couldn't imagine a life without them and feel blessed for all that I am given and the successes that continue to come our way. I personally feel the best I have felt in years and will continue to take care of ME to be the best wife, mommy and woman I can be. #LemonsintoLemonade

If you or someone you know is experiencing anxiety, mood swings, bouts of crying and/or feelings of depression please talk to your doctor or someone you trust.  Another great resource is www.postpartumprogress.com/ that share many other great stories of women who triumph over this.

Hello 2011!

This year has been amazing so far when I think about the growth that baby Jack blankets has gone through. As a mom and business woman, I have found that this is my passion...to connect with other parents about the main thing that we have in common; our children. It brings me such joy to be able to create items for people and hear stories about how much they love them.

There are so many great things ahead for our business -as well as our family's personal life. We are embarking on child #2 in May which will bring a new line of blankets to baby Jack blankets and hopefully you will all embrace it as I have...I am excited to announce this new line when my baby girl Bailey is born in May.

Last October we ran into some patent problems with ribbon loops and have motivated ourselves to create a new design and patent it. We will now be closing all ribbon loops to prevent them from easily popping off blankets and also avoid a health hazard for little ones (choking/getting fingers caught, etc.). We are excited to debut this NEW and IMPROVED design of non-looped ribbon tabs in mid January {patent pending}. Our handie of the month members will be able to receive the very first creations and provide feedback to us as our focus group :)

Another thing that I have begun creating in late 2010 was twin size blankets and adult throws w/o ribbons. I love being able to customize blankets for people and let them choose what will work for their home/personality. It makes my job so much better knowing that the customer walks away happy!

As I type this, I am getting ready for our 2010 Cutest Baby Contest where I will be creating a blog with a poll for people to vote on the top 3 cutest kids. I will then pick the winner next week and they will receive a free NEW DESIGN blanket in mid January! The contest ends today so I better start getting things ready :)

Thank you to all my loyal fans and new arrivals to our fan page. Your support as customers and also as a mommy/daddy sounding board has meant the world to me throughout the year. I love sharing our family updates with you and developing a personal connecting with you and your kids.  God bless and have a great New Years!

Thanks for the business 2010!

I am excited to say that today we are officially closed for business for the remainder of 2010. With the current rush of holiday orders, this will keep me busy creating until mid December and then I will be taking time off with my beloved family.

I owe everything to my family, friends and fans for helping spread the word about our business. I couldnt be happier with the success of baby Jack blankets for 2010 and hope that the year 2011 brings more growth for us.

Starting in January, we will be announcing a new design - which we will patent - for the baby blankets. Since we can no longer incorporate ribbon "loops" to our item, we will modify the loop and make it more colorful, attractive and interactive for little ones. Also, since we are having baby #2 (sex TBD in Dec), this comes at an appropriate time to incorporate his/her name into our business. We will not be changing the name baby Jack blankets (as it is Trademarked) but aspects of our baby Jack's will include his brother or sister in someway or another.

We are excited for what the new year brings us, more growth, more fans and more babies! Both Jack and I wish all you and your families a happy Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Christmas and New Year! God Bless and be merry.

Home Improvements

It has been almost a month since I updated, it's about time! Things have been very busy with family and the business and we have been taking advantage of the great end of summer weather. It's great to finally have the windows open and breathe the fresh air.

Jackson is getting so big. He is talking a lot and getting into just about everything. We are entering the terrible twos and threes and it shows BIG TIME. He gets frustrated so easily because he just wants to do it all...it makes me sad and proud to see him getting so big so fast...time to have another right?  :)

Speaking of...we are preparing for the big move into a big boy bed. I am slowly buying items for his new room and it's going to be great. I'm really excited to be able to transition him as I know he is outgrowing his crib (and loves our bed). Time will tell...

Another remodel we are starting is a fourth bedroom in our basement. We need more room and having another bedroom downstairs will allow us to have guests over and pretty much take over the downstairs...the mother-in-law suite is what we are calling it. Nancy (Brian's mom) was such a huge help with Jackson so it's only obvious that we will need a place for her to sleep with the next one. Progress pictures to come....

i love us

Today Jackson is 1 1/2 years old. I cannot believe how fast the past 18 months have flown by. Last night I became extremely emotional thinking how fast it all went by and reflected on the lesson i learned this week to simply slow down, take my time and finish what i started. (see previous blog post on our first visit to Children's Hospital)

Jack is everywhere now. Running, climbing, knocking things over and every day is another learning experience for me on what more needs to be baby proofed in our home. It's a monthly tradition on this day that I remember the day of his birth. It was such a blur to me that I usually ask another person's perspective (my husband, my mom & in-laws) but I think I finally have the timeline down.

Jack was 3 weeks late. It was a long 3 weeks as I took the time away from the office and worked from home. I didn't have much to keep me busy except the overflowing Facebook notifications and phone messages of people asking "Any sign of baby yet?"  

On February 5, I was sent to West Allis Women's Pavillion hospital because I was barely dilated, maybe a 1/2 cm. I was there to take medicine in order to help me dilate prior to being induced in the morning. My loving husband slept on the couch and we awoke on Friday February 6th at 7AM to my nurse checking in and getting ready to give me my pain meds. At this time, the only pain I was feeling was terrible back pain. I was sitting on the big bouncy ball to help my back when my doctor strolled in. "Time to break your water!!".

What? Already? WTF. I was terrified and by the look on my husband's face, he was as well. I didn't feel a thing when she broke my water and when the nurse put the cathedar in. (PS - loved not moving when i peed)

After an hour of just sitting there and barely dilating, they decided to begin inducing labor.

It was near 9:30AM because I saw Kelly Rippa on TV. Immediately when they began the Pitocin drip, the baby's heart rate dropped. I was in the midst of an Epidural when about ten hospital  members ran into the room. I was flipped over on my hands & knees with an oxygen mask strapped to my face. I looked like a dog. My bare end was showing for all the room to see but my mind was in mommy mode. I no longer cared about myself or anyone else in that room except for my son. I saw my husband's face. He looked scared. He was pale, sick and worried. (I believe a nurse just told him that they might prep me for emergency surgery so I caught his expression after the fact). They removed the Pitocin drip and Jack's heartrate was back to normal...time to relax and get back to that Epidural!

Following the Epidural, I couldn't feel anything from the waste down. A nurse kept rolling my big ole belly from side to side and had to shift my legs for me. The pain meds and the Epidural took any soft of feeling away from me. The only discomfort I felt throughout the entire day was minor contractions which I would rate a 2/10 on a pain scale. Anytime they came about, I would need complete silence and would just breathe...I suprised myself at how calm, cool & collect (and polite) I was throughout the day. I imagined myself to be a raging bitch to everyone and my husband. The only thing that irritated me was the ice chips...seriously, give me some water to chug because my mouth is dry. My loving husband ran around so many times fetching ice chips. God Bless him.

So this went on and on and on throughout the day. Shifting back and forth, minor contractions, increaing the Pitocin equaled a few more oxygen masks & being flipped over, reducing the Pitocin and still barely dilated. You would think that someone would step in and say...hey, let's just cut her open, but No.

Finally, it was around 5PM and my doctor's partner Dr. Liz Deckers stepped in and said, enough is enough. "You are only at 4 centimeters dilated and the baby hasn't moved. We are going to take you in and do an emergency C-Section." I was fine with it. I knew this baby was going to be big and that it would amount to this anyways; I was even begging my OB to schedule me one and take the short cut.

After being prepped for the OR, sanitized, re-sanitized after vomiting (some intern raised the scalpal too high over the curtain), test poked six times and doused with anesthetics, I was open. My husband was escorted in and saw my open body. I was terrified for him. I demanded that the nurse to hold his hand when walking in (he is afraid of hospitals) and there he was...smiling, anxious and ready to do this. He held my hand and listened as the staff talked us through the procedure.

"The head! The head! Here's your baby's head," a staff member yelled. My husband STOOD UP and looked. I was so proud of him!  Pressure, tons of pushing and finally relief. We heard two wimpy cries and that was our boy! Jackson was born at 6:13PM on February 6, 2009 - 18 months ago today. My husband ran over to the incubator to take pictures and to bring our son over to meet his mommy. We later found out that Jack's cord was wrapped around his neck twice which made the labor unsuccessful. Knowing his personality and his dislike of shirts stuck around his neck while changing, it all makes sense.

With all the anesthetics, I lost feeling from the neck down so I was unable to hold Jackson. Brian did all the holding, cooing and kissing for the both of us. I don't know if he cried, but I know I did. It was a moment that both of us will remember forever and make sure to reflect on the 6th of every month.

Just breathe

A mom's job is to protect their child, to make sure there is no hurt in their world and their safety is always our number one priority. There will be times when this is not within our reach so we have to trust in a higher power for protection. Yesterday, all my trust was in my mommy instincts, my support system, some amazing doctors and with God.

The day started out with an energetic toddler at 5am and a very tired mommy. I decided to run to McDonald's with Jack and suprise his Grandma with some breakfast for us to enjoy before putting him down for his AM nap. Upon returning home, I was greeted with a hungry dog so I placed the drink tray on the counter top and proceeded with feeding her. I was gabbing with my mother in law about some fabric that was out of stock when all of a sudden something made me turn. I cannot get the sight out of my head of my son on his tip toes trying to pull the coffee tray towards him.

It was an out of body experience. I began screaming "No, Jack no!" and using every muscle in my body to move toward him, grabbing him and knocking the coffee cups away from him mid-air. I felt burns. Scolding hot liquid on my hands and feet and then I heard that scream. A nailbiting sound coming from Jack. He was in pain and it is a screech no mother (or human being) should have to endure. What made me turn my head? Was it an inner voice that just said "check on him" or was it mommy's intuition? Whatever it was, it saved my son from being burned all over his face and chest. My poor mother in law had no clue what was happening. She was in the other room and didn't even know I had brought us coffee. I can't imagine her thoughts as this was occurring.

My next reaction was to immediately take off his shirt and get cold water on him. We both jumped into the bathtub with freezing cold water hitting us. I sat their holding him, kissing his head and whispering "you are alright, mommy's here". I prayed. I asked for him to be alright and to give me strength.

I yelled to my mother in law to get the car ready, we are taking him to Children's. My little cousin was 2 when he was burned by a coffee pot and I remembered he had to get skin graff done. I was terrified, but knew that we needed to take him to a doctor. The minute that passed felt like an eternity.

I grabbed Jack, his backpack with diapers, his blanket & Cookie Monster plush doll and ran to the car. I even remembered to grab my purse with my insurance card and my keys. I don't know how on Earth I was able to think rationally at this time, but it all worked out well.

The car ride was not as bad as I imagined it to be. Jack was on my lap, head on my shoulder and content. This put me at ease. He was not crying, nor in pain so I was optimistic that it wasnt as bad as I thought it out to be. He actually realized that he was riding in front on my lap and loved sitting shotgun. He played with the radio, the vents and talked to the cars as they passed - this shed light on our travel experience. The traffic was terrible. It was near 8am and rush hour. We hit every red light we could and managed to get to the hospital as quickly as we could. I laughed as my mother-in-law got enjoyment on running stop signs. It still makes me laugh at how she loved breaking the rules!

When we got to the hospital, my father & husband arrived which put me at ease. Jack lights up when he sees them so this way I could get a chance to just breathe. The nurses, doctors and staff at Children's Hospital were amazing. They are beyond thorough, professional, understanding and reassuring. They took care of Jack's wound as quickly as they could and accommodated us in any which way they could. Jack ate some breakfast, watched Einstein on DVD and enjoyed his visitors while they bandaged his wound.

His wound turned out to be only first and second degree burns which will heal within ten days. We got extremely lucky that it wasnt any worse and it will not be any permanent damage. We'll be taking it very easy for the next two weeks while he heals but Jack is already back to playing, climbing and laughing; not having a care in his world except eating and sleeping. Now we just have to get mommy back to normal!

Thank you to everyone that helped us through our rough day by commenting, praying & just saying that you care. xxoo  The Leglers

Decisions, decisions...

Wow, I cannot believe it's been nearly two weeks since I have posted. The summer days just have been getting away from us lately and throughout the month of July, we havent had ANY big plans. We are just enjoying the days on the calendar and filling them with family fun. Each weekend we wake up and ask ourselves, what should we do today? We go to the pool, the zoo, shopping, out to lunch/dinner or for a drive to visit family/friends. We havent had this much freedom since college. lol

Of course we are still on a schedule given we are raising a toddler. I cannot tell you how crutial schedules are to this little boy. Just the other day he skipped his morning nap, then we took a drive to a store thirty minutes away and had his lunch 90 minutes past his usual...he was such a trooper BUT he was off schedule, and off schedule Jack means limited naps, anti food/drink and fussiness for the rest of the day. Lesson learned!

Jack has been growing so fast before our very eyes and we couldnt be happier that the month of July is allowing us to spend so much family time together. Usually June/July/August is jam packed with weddings, showers & more but not this month. Since our last post, we have gone to many playdates with the moms & dads to the zoo, my husband & I played at Noah's Ark water park while Jack was with his grandparents, we frequently visit Gymboree Play & Music for climbing time and just yesterday Jack's Nana and I met my mom friends & their kids at the Brookfield Wirth Park Aquatic Center. This child is experiencing is all :) Next week is Gymboree class, Betty Brinn Children's Museum and The Big Backyard indoor playground in New Berlin. Life & Summer is good :)


 

Hales Corners St Mary's Fest on Friday

My husband and I got married at St. Mary's Catholic Faith in Hales Corners and over the past four years of heing involved at the Perish, we have never been to their summer festival. This year is all about saying YES to new things....so when my friend Danielle asked us to meet her, her husband and son Ethan, we were all for it. Kara, Andrew and their son Landon met up with us there as did my father and his girlfriend Pam.

We grabbed some beers, good food and danced a little in the beer garden tent then decided to take a stroll. Jack was obsessed with being swung by anyone that was around (Brian and Pam swung him in this picture while Grandpa got the beer). It was his first festival and was able to run around, see his friends and play kiddie games. They had an area that was so adorable set up for little ones. Jack grabbed a "fishing pole" and fished for a prize (plasitc pig), he threw the football threw the hole , picked a boat out of the water, chose the Yellow box and spun the wheel for more prizes. He loved it and daddy was so proud to have a little fisherman and athlete, i think Jack's future flashed before his eyes :)

St Mary's is such a beautiful place. Honestly, we havent been to church in a really long time and brought my dad and Pam inside to show her around. Jack played with the holy water and we showed him where he was baptized and where mommy & daddy said I Do. It was cute and certainly a moment for us. We are definitely going to start going to church more often.

Before we left, we stopped by the rides and that Big Tall Yellow Slide looked so fun. I was wearing a skirt and opted out so Brian was brave enough to take Jack on his first carni ride, they were both fearless. Jack held on tight to his little pink pig that he won at the Fishing kiddie game and they landed safe and sound.

All in all, a great Friday night with good company; we are looking forward to making this an annual tradition!

The Jack Cam - Breakfast

Jackson is growing up so fast before our very eyes and if you know me, I like to document everything by taking pictures and video. I started to do his baby calendar up until he started walking but in a digital world, pictures and video are so much better. I figure when I have time, I can always fill in the dates after watching the videos and put it in his scrapbook (which I desperately need to work on!)

Recently Jack has officially stopped drinking his bottle - a HUGE milestone that we have been trying for quite some time. We quit it cold turkey and he went the entire week only drinking 1-2 ounces daily but today is the day he finally took to his big boy cup. It's been a long time coming but we wanted to get him on good nap schedule first before taking away the bottle. Patience is key everyone! I have my mommy friends to thank for all their advice and telling me he would eventually "get it". He graduated the bottle and is all grown up in more ways than one. Each day brings something new and exciting...something to celebrate.

My favorite part of the day is breakfast with him. We sit down across from one another and talk about what we are going to do for the day and I try to teach him some new things. I figured I would video take my perspective and let you in on our morning. Enjoy!

PS - As I'm typing this, he just spit out the words: Grandpa, Cat, told me "You Listen" and shrugged his shoulders and mumbled "I dont know". It's going way too fast for me...he is not a baby Jack anymore, he is a little boy.

Team Edward or Team Jacob?

I've never been an "official" Twilight fan until seeing the recent movie Eclipse. I am a HUGE Harry Potter fan and have even booked a family vacation to Orlando during the year of the Wizarding World of Harry Potter Theme Park opens...convenient? The movies just take me to a different place and I am swallowed up by the characters & storyline; I love anything that brings out my child-like enthusiasm. I've read all the books, visit websites and DVR anything related to it on TV. I even dressed like Harry Potter one year for Halloween -my husband wouldnt kiss me at all. lol

My friend Heidi (Team Edward) is a die-hard Twilight fan; has read the books numerous times, checks their websites daily and even wrote into Oprah to attempt to join her in her audience when the cast was there. I have read half of the first book and Heidi tried to get me to read New Moon and I just wasnt motivated. I got more pleasure out of hearing her version of the books and give me all the spoilers!

I never got anxious for the next movie to come out...until now. I saw Eclipse with Heidi and her sister Emily (also Team Edward) and it was an experience. There was more sarcasm, sexual tension, back story and less cheese, in my mind. Oh, and tons of warewolves running around shirtless, never a bad thing. During these moments, I was leaning more towards Team Jacob but there's something about those Vampires that intriques a girl. (takes me back to my childhood with Brad Pitt & Interview with a Vampire).

Needless to say, I loved the movie and came out yearning for more; fall 2011 couldnt come soon enough. I started checking websites and looking up cute items to send Heidi in anticipation of the next movie and found a store on Etsy (has a Facebook fan page too!) that sells adorable keychains and bracelets for Team Edward or Team Jacob.  You just have to check out this review and enter a chance to win on the Truth Be Told Blog!

I hope everyone goes out and sees the movies and comment about your Eclipse experience!  Thanks :)

Out Came the Sun and Dried Up All the Rain.

I cannot help but think how blessed I am to have this little boy in my life. Since he was created, my life has forever changed. My way of thinking, my priorities, every aspect of me is different and I am so grateful that he is here. Being a mom is one of the things I know I am great at but have struggled while adjusting to my new role.

I am a caretaker. I am a very giving and nurturing person so it was easy to adapt to the mommy role. I love everything about it until I began to spiral out of control and not have answers for what I was going through. I became very emotional, irrational and angry all of the time. I had a temper that appeared out of nowhere and began to have severe panic and anxiety attacks. I feared anything that was out of my control and out of our daily routine. Some days I actually thought about how my son's life would be without me. I honestly would ask my husband if he would know what to do if I were gone. I thought this behavior was normal and it was just my hormones talking so I ignored all the signs.

I let this go on for six months. I thought that I was just a lost soul and needed to find a hobby. I had been laid off in April 2008 and have been home with Jack since so my husband thought that it was a career issue. I knew it wasnt. I loved being with him and staying at home, teaching him and celebrating every milestone in his first years. It was for me...but i didnt feel like myself.

Jack's first birthday was a major turning point in my life. I made a decision days later to seek help from my general practitioner, therapist, family and friends. I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and today is the first I am talking about it...writing down my thoughts...5 months later. It's hard, let me tell you.

For someone who always likes to feel in control of things, the one thing that was out of control was my thoughts. Seeking help made me feel like I finally had an understanding of what was going on and I was now in control of my body and was getting the help I needed. And I have Brooke Shields to thank.

I remember seeing Brooke Shields on Oprah talking about her book about her experience with postpartum depression. I always thought that the new mom had postpartum depression after having a baby and it was associated with not having a connection with your child; which clearly wasnt the case with me. I began to research her book and ended up buying it at Barnes & Noble. It saved me. It gave me the information that I so desperately needed. What I never knew was that postpartum depression occurs wtihin the first year of the child's birth and that there are several different aspects of it. Things began to make sense again and this book lead to me seeking help from a professional.

After my doctor appointment, Lexapro perscription and several therapy sessions, I began to feel like my old self again. I started to make positive changes in my life. Changes that directly affected my health, emotional well being and mental state. It started with the company that I keep. I seperated myself from those that didn't  support me and my family at my best and certainly couldn't at my worst. I realized the lesson of quality over quantity and that family means everything!

I am so thankful for what I went through and am continuing to battle. It has opened my eyes to everything that matters and makes me realize how great I really have it. This has encouraged me to turn over a new leaf. I now take more chances. I laugh as much as I can. I am not afraid to show my child-like enthusiam. I make more effort with my great friendships. I am making new friends with common interests. I am creating a strong support system. After a downpour, finally...out came the sun and dried up all the rain.

If you are experiencing any of the symptoms that I have or think that you may be experiencing a form of postpartum depression, please seek help. Talk to your doctor and your family about your feelings. Never feel embarrassed. You will feel like a better woman and mother for doing it. If you need someone to listen, email me at kelleylegler@hotmail.com. Thanks!

Fans & Family Night

On Tuesday June 15th we had our first Fans & Family night on Facebook. I must admit, I was exhausted after this online hour event had ended. We had trivia games, raffles, fast finger games & more. I gave away coupons, handies, basic blankets, a double sized blanket & a handie of the month membership. It seemed that all the fans had a great time playing and I am excited for more events like this in the future....sales werent too bad either as I offered all customers a 30% off coupon for the evening on their total purchase. My fans are great people!

My goal with these giveaways is to encourage people to either buy more and/or spread the word about my creations. I really love what I do and want people to know about it and nothing makes me happier than seeing a picture of my creation with someone's baby. I hope to get a lot of fan pictures out of this giveaway day!

This event also gave me some ideas on what to do for our upcoming ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY! That's right, baby Jack blankets is turning ONE and we all know how first birthdays go...they are a BIG DEAL. Stay tuned for more info and if you have any ideas, please post a comment.