Friday, August 6, 2010

i love us

Today Jackson is 1 1/2 years old. I cannot believe how fast the past 18 months have flown by. Last night I became extremely emotional thinking how fast it all went by and reflected on the lesson i learned this week to simply slow down, take my time and finish what i started. (see previous blog post on our first visit to Children's Hospital)

Jack is everywhere now. Running, climbing, knocking things over and every day is another learning experience for me on what more needs to be baby proofed in our home. It's a monthly tradition on this day that I remember the day of his birth. It was such a blur to me that I usually ask another person's perspective (my husband, my mom & in-laws) but I think I finally have the timeline down.

Jack was 3 weeks late. It was a long 3 weeks as I took the time away from the office and worked from home. I didn't have much to keep me busy except the overflowing Facebook notifications and phone messages of people asking "Any sign of baby yet?"  

On February 5, I was sent to West Allis Women's Pavillion hospital because I was barely dilated, maybe a 1/2 cm. I was there to take medicine in order to help me dilate prior to being induced in the morning. My loving husband slept on the couch and we awoke on Friday February 6th at 7AM to my nurse checking in and getting ready to give me my pain meds. At this time, the only pain I was feeling was terrible back pain. I was sitting on the big bouncy ball to help my back when my doctor strolled in. "Time to break your water!!".

What? Already? WTF. I was terrified and by the look on my husband's face, he was as well. I didn't feel a thing when she broke my water and when the nurse put the cathedar in. (PS - loved not moving when i peed)
After an hour of just sitting there and barely dilating, they decided to begin inducing labor.

It was near 9:30AM because I saw Kelly Rippa on TV. Immediately when they began the Pitocin drip, the baby's heart rate dropped. I was in the midst of an Epidural when about ten hospital  members ran into the room. I was flipped over on my hands & knees with an oxygen mask strapped to my face. I looked like a dog. My bare end was showing for all the room to see but my mind was in mommy mode. I no longer cared about myself or anyone else in that room except for my son. I saw my husband's face. He looked scared. He was pale, sick and worried. (I believe a nurse just told him that they might prep me for emergency surgery so I caught his expression after the fact). They removed the Pitocin drip and Jack's heartrate was back to normal...time to relax and get back to that Epidural!

Following the Epidural, I couldn't feel anything from the waste down. A nurse kept rolling my big ole belly from side to side and had to shift my legs for me. The pain meds and the Epidural took any soft of feeling away from me. The only discomfort I felt throughout the entire day was minor contractions which I would rate a 2/10 on a pain scale. Anytime they came about, I would need complete silence and would just breathe...I suprised myself at how calm, cool & collect (and polite) I was throughout the day. I imagined myself to be a raging bitch to everyone and my husband. The only thing that irritated me was the ice chips...seriously, give me some water to chug because my mouth is dry. My loving husband ran around so many times fetching ice chips. God Bless him.

So this went on and on and on throughout the day. Shifting back and forth, minor contractions, increaing the Pitocin equaled a few more oxygen masks & being flipped over, reducing the Pitocin and still barely dilated. You would think that someone would step in and say...hey, let's just cut her open, but No.

Finally, it was around 5PM and my doctor's partner Dr. Liz Deckers stepped in and said, enough is enough. "You are only at 4 centimeters dilated and the baby hasn't moved. We are going to take you in and do an emergency C-Section." I was fine with it. I knew this baby was going to be big and that it would amount to this anyways; I was even begging my OB to schedule me one and take the short cut.

After being prepped for the OR, sanitized, re-sanitized after vomiting (some intern raised the scalpal too high over the curtain), test poked six times and doused with anesthetics, I was open. My husband was escorted in and saw my open body. I was terrified for him. I demanded that the nurse to hold his hand when walking in (he is afraid of hospitals) and there he was...smiling, anxious and ready to do this. He held my hand and listened as the staff talked us through the procedure.

"The head! The head! Here's your baby's head," a staff member yelled. My husband STOOD UP and looked. I was so proud of him!  Pressure, tons of pushing and finally relief. We heard two wimpy cries and that was our boy! Jackson was born at 6:13PM on February 6, 2009 - 18 months ago today. My husband ran over to the incubator to take pictures and to bring our son over to meet his mommy. We later found out that Jack's cord was wrapped around his neck twice which made the labor unsuccessful. Knowing his personality and his dislike of shirts stuck around his neck while changing, it all makes sense.

With all the anesthetics, I lost feeling from the neck down so I was unable to hold Jackson. Brian did all the holding, cooing and kissing for the both of us. I don't know if he cried, but I know I did. It was a moment that both of us will remember forever and make sure to reflect on the 6th of every month.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Just breathe

A mom's job is to protect their child, to make sure there is no hurt in their world and their safety is always our number one priority. There will be times when this is not within our reach so we have to trust in a higher power for protection. Yesterday, all my trust was in my mommy instincts, my support system, some amazing doctors and with God.

The day started out with an energetic toddler at 5am and a very tired mommy. I decided to run to McDonald's with Jack and suprise his Grandma with some breakfast for us to enjoy before putting him down for his AM nap. Upon returning home, I was greeted with a hungry dog so I placed the drink tray on the counter top and proceeded with feeding her. I was gabbing with my mother in law about some fabric that was out of stock when all of a sudden something made me turn. I cannot get the sight out of my head of my son on his tip toes trying to pull the coffee tray towards him.

It was an out of body experience. I began screaming "No, Jack no!" and using every muscle in my body to move toward him, grabbing him and knocking the coffee cups away from him mid-air. I felt burns. Scolding hot liquid on my hands and feet and then I heard that scream. A nailbiting sound coming from Jack. He was in pain and it is a screech no mother (or human being) should have to endure. What made me turn my head? Was it an inner voice that just said "check on him" or was it mommy's intuition? Whatever it was, it saved my son from being burned all over his face and chest. My poor mother in law had no clue what was happening. She was in the other room and didn't even know I had brought us coffee. I can't imagine her thoughts as this was occurring.

My next reaction was to immediately take off his shirt and get cold water on him. We both jumped into the bathtub with freezing cold water hitting us. I sat their holding him, kissing his head and whispering "you are alright, mommy's here". I prayed. I asked for him to be alright and to give me strength.

I yelled to my mother in law to get the car ready, we are taking him to Children's. My little cousin was 2 when he was burned by a coffee pot and I remembered he had to get skin graff done. I was terrified, but knew that we needed to take him to a doctor. The minute that passed felt like an eternity.

I grabbed Jack, his backpack with diapers, his blanket & Cookie Monster plush doll and ran to the car. I even remembered to grab my purse with my insurance card and my keys. I don't know how on Earth I was able to think rationally at this time, but it all worked out well.

The car ride was not as bad as I imagined it to be. Jack was on my lap, head on my shoulder and content. This put me at ease. He was not crying, nor in pain so I was optimistic that it wasnt as bad as I thought it out to be. He actually realized that he was riding in front on my lap and loved sitting shotgun. He played with the radio, the vents and talked to the cars as they passed - this shed light on our travel experience. The traffic was terrible. It was near 8am and rush hour. We hit every red light we could and managed to get to the hospital as quickly as we could. I laughed as my mother-in-law got enjoyment on running stop signs. It still makes me laugh at how she loved breaking the rules!

When we got to the hospital, my father & husband arrived which put me at ease. Jack lights up when he sees them so this way I could get a chance to just breathe. The nurses, doctors and staff at Children's Hospital were amazing. They are beyond thorough, professional, understanding and reassuring. They took care of Jack's wound as quickly as they could and accommodated us in any which way they could. Jack ate some breakfast, watched Einstein on DVD and enjoyed his visitors while they bandaged his wound.

His wound turned out to be only first and second degree burns which will heal within ten days. We got extremely lucky that it wasnt any worse and it will not be any permanent damage. We'll be taking it very easy for the next two weeks while he heals but Jack is already back to playing, climbing and laughing; not having a care in his world except eating and sleeping. Now we just have to get mommy back to normal!

Thank you to everyone that helped us through our rough day by commenting, praying & just saying that you care. xxoo  The Leglers